Rogue Meets Barbie (uh-oh)
by N'AWLINS
Summary: NEW CHAPTER!!! There's a new horror in the mansion...and it's blonde.
1. Default Chapter

YIKES! Didn't know that chapter 1 somehow loaded as chapter 2! sorry, this is chapter 1.  
  
No I DO NOT OWN ANY CHARACTERS IN THIS STORY, WITH THE EXEPTION OF BARBIE MATTEL (though her name might belong to Mattel)  
I'M NOT MAKING ANY MONEY OFF OF THIS!!  
  
So sorry about the paragraphs. They're quite screwy. Hope you enjoy it  
enough to keep reading it anyway. More soon. Oh, and if by chance you  
find any little black boxes if front of a sentence, those are supposed to be "s. (stupid  
computer) //=voice coming over intercom  
N'AWLINS  
  
  
  
Rogue was outside on the mansion lawn, playing football with the other X-gals. Flight gave her a distinct advantage, but Jean always managed to mysteriously "intercept" those perfect passes.  
"Whew, Ah'm pooped. Ah think Ah'll go take a shower."  
"I deserve a rest after all those great catches,"bragged Jean.  
"Oh, yes. What a bloody shame that you missed that last pass due to slight 'unexplained disorientation'."  
"I don't suppose, Psylocke, that you recall that sudden gust of wind that disabled you during the final moments?" Storm joined in the teasing.  
When Rogue reached the mansion steps, she heard an unfamiliar female voice discussing something with the professor.  
"Oh, well I wouldn't want to intrude on such important work!"  
'Mah god, she sounds like she's from Beverly Hills 90210!'  
"Nonsense, the team would love to meet a new member!"  
Rogue decided to stay and listen, this was just getting too interesting. She heard the Professor's voice again:  
"Now please tell me your full name and describe your powers."  
"Well, my name is Barbie Mattel, and by just imagining it, I can change my outfit." Barbie giggled.  
'Oh...Mah...LAWD!' Rogue ran up the stairs and jumped into an ice-cold shower.  
'Tell me Ah just misheard her...please...please...'  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Downstairs, the professor was introducing Barbie to the rest of the team.  
"Welcome to the team. I am called Storm."  
"Hi. I'm Jean. Hope you feel comfortable here in the mansion."  
Beast finally voiced the question that was on everyone's mind:   
"So, what fantastic ability do you posses?"  
"Just by visualizing it, I can change my outfit!" squeaked Barbie.  
"Dat's a good one! At least she got a sense o' humor!" Gambit was pleased that he would finally not be the only wise-cracking X-Man.  
Barbie's normally perky face went blank.  
Gambit looked as if he'd just spotted Mr. Sinister.  
"I better...I t'ink dat dat gumbo has fin'lly caught up with me," Gambit stuttered as he fled from the room.  
"Yes...better go too." Beast's eloquent mannerism had completely deserted him. "Chemicals...overdue in...lab."  
Soon the room was free of the X-Men. All that was left was the speech-less Professor X and Barbie.  
"I'm sure they all just have other things on their minds." Professor tried to recover.  
"Oh, yes! The team must have much more important things to do than talk to silly old me." Barbie was un-phased.  
"Why don't you get some rest. I'm sure you're tired after your first day."  
"Oh, of course, Professor!"  
  
****  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Rogue got out of bed praying that the past evening had been a dream.  
'Okay, Ah'm gonna go downstairs like nothin' happened. Maybe nothin' did happen'  
As she reached the bottom of the stairs, Rogue was met with a sight that confirmed the reality of the previous night. There, a perfectly thin, perfectly blond woman was making scrambled eggs, with all of the X-MEN crowded around. Scott was discussing the way his mother made eggs exactly the same way. Beast was quoting Shakespeare,  
and Remy had turned on that irreversible "Cajun charm".  
"Scott, did ya forget that ya grew up in an orphanage?" A sense of reality was kicking in, and Rogue was fighting it with all she had.  
Scott looked around sheepishly, cleared his throat, and left the room.  
"And Beast, don't ya have somethin' ta blow up?" The comment was met with the immediate departure of the bouncing blue scientist.  
"Remy...?" There was a disturbingly pleasant quality to Rogue's voice.  
Gambit raced from the room, fearing for his life.  
"Now that we're alone, tell me about ya'self." Rogue cringed at the thought. It was going to be a long morning.  
  
****  
  
  
Well Rogue now knew Barbie's life story. She was the daughter of two lawyers,  
her first word was "dadda", she was a straight-A student, head of the student  
council, and she plans to go to Yale.   
She is fluent in eight different languages, has traveled to twelve countries   
around the world, was an exchange student in Japan, and has won two Miss San   
Francisco pageants.  
"Well,... ya seem ta be well-rounded." Rogue was exhausted.  
"Oh I hope so! Only the best are accepted into Yale!"  
The professor walked in smiling. "Rogue, I see you've met Barbie. I wanted to   
get you two acquainted last night, but I believe you were in the shower."  
"We sure are acquainted now." Rogue got up to leave.  
On her way out, she bumped into Jean, who seemed to be in a hurry.  
"Whoah, slow down gal!"  
"Sorry, I just wanted to talk to Barbie before she made any plans. I was hoping   
to be able to spend some 'girl-time' with her. Like maybe we could go shopping or   
something, make her feel welcome."  
Rogue decided to spend some "down-time" in the Rec. Room, and maybe think about  
why everyone was falling all over the new "Barbie doll".  
  
When Rogue opened the door to the Rec. Room, she was shocked to find Hank, Scott,   
and Remy actually talking to each other.  
"Okay, what's goin' on? Did Apocalypse brain-wash ya'll? Why ya lookin' so...weird?"  
"Not'ings 'weird' Chere, we just be talkin'"  
"Who are ya and what have ya done to Remy LeBeau?"  
"If you must know, we were discussing our new member Barbie," Beast sighed.  
"Why are ya'll just in love with her? Is it because the gal's drop-dead gorgeous--?"  
"Like you ain't, petite?"  
"Cut the crap, Cajun. It's not like she's got much in terms of practical brain cells.  
I mean, what's her uniform gonna look like? A cheerleading outfit?"  
Scott took advantage of this pause in Rogue's ranting and came to Barbie's defense.   
"What have you got against her Rogue? She's a mutant, just like you, even if her powers  
are a bit different! And she's also a BABE!"  
"Arrrrrggg!! Am Ah the only one who sees the insanity of all this?" Rogue was pissed, and  
the Rec. Room now needed a new television.  
The professor's voice came over the intercom:  
//X-Men, to the Danger Room.//  
The command was a welcome distraction from the frustrations of Ms. Mattel.  
  
The team had all changed into their uniforms and were waiting in the Danger Room. In walked  
Barbie, who had obviously taken advantage of Jean's so called "girl time". She was completely  
done up and in a quite extravagant-looking dress. Jean, on the other hand, looked dead.  
"Oh! Well I guess if we're going to be training, this outfit just won't do!" Barbie had   
noticed the spandex-clad X-team who now watched as Barbie demonstrated her power for the first  
time. When the process was compete, Barbie stood wearing a surprisingly conservative costume,   
bearing no more than necessary. Rogue rolled her eyes, Gambit, Scot , and Beast let out sighs of   
disappointment. Jean had fallen asleep on the floor.  
//Now that we are all ready, let us begin. Would someone please take Jean upstairs?//  
Scott volunteered, but it was agreed that because Kurt could "BAMF" there and back and still return  
in time for the training, he should go.  
As soon as Kurt returned, the training began The group had been divided into two teams: Team 1  
consisting of Barbie(she had not yet chosen a code name), Cyclops, Beast, and Psylocke, and Team 2   
made up of Storm, Rogue Gambit, and Nightcrawler.  
//Team 1, your mission will be to breach the security and gain access to the mansion's bottom floor.  
Team 2, you will be responsible for defending the mansion and preventing Team 1 from reaching the   
basement.//  
Team 1 left, taking their positions outside of the mansion. Beast waited outside the gates, he would  
take care of the computerized locks. Psylocke crouched behind as back-up. Cyclops, on the other hand,   
stood ready to charge the defending team as soon as the gates were open. Barbie, it being her first   
time, was completely lost.  
Hank and Scott played a cut-throat round of "rock, paper, scissors" to decide who would guide her through the training. Scott won.  
  
"So how am I supposed to get in?"After twelve attempts to help Barbie understand the concept of hand-to-hand combat, she was just as clueless as she had been when they started, if not more so.  
Scott let out an exasperated sigh.  
'What is wrong with her?!'  
Tired of repeating the same process over and over, Scott replied sarcastically.  
"Maybe if you ask really nicely, they'll escort you in."  
"Okay!"  
"No! Wait! I didn't mean...!"  
Scott's voice faded as Barbie skipped away.  
  
CHAPTER 2!  
  
  
Thanks to Laura Night, I just might use that "Rogue absorbing Barbie" idea.  
Also, thanks to everyone that reviewed my story and poem (special thanks to the Bud, *i have an ol' pal!*). No flames yet! WHOOHOO! And I'm on a few author's fave lists! Hey, you know what just recently hit me? I can't think of a single blonde X-Female! If you can come up with any, put their names in your review. And again, the paragraphs might be kinda weird. Sorry!  
I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS (with the exception of Barbie Mattel) AND I'M NOT MAKING A CENT OFF OF THIS!   
{}=sound ' '=thoughts  
N'AWLINS  
  
Rogue Meets Barbie (uh-oh)  
Chapter 2  
  
Feeling exceptionally happy that this whole training thing isn't as hard as it looks, Barbie waltzed up to the gate and called up to Rogue. "May I please enter the mansion?" Rogue smiled. 'Maybe Scott was right; if I ask nicely, they'll let me in!'  
"You have gotta be kiddin sugah!" At that moment, Beast, having decoded the lock, swung the gate open. Rogue dove down at Barbie, who wore a look of complete horror on her perfect face.  
{CRACKLE! BOOM!}  
Cyclops had let loose a high-powered bolt into Rogue's middle. "UGH! Barbie, be grateful that yer 'knight in shining armor' was here to save ya. Ya might not be so lucky next time. Considerin' the fact that he won't be in one piece by then!"  
Sensing Rogue's anger rise, and knowing that it would give her the advantage, Scott fired an equally powerful blast in Rogue's direction. She dodged it easily, and darted back behind him, landing a fist squarely on the top of his head.  
{CRACK!}  
Cyclops fell to the ground, senseless. (hehe, I needed that) Barbie rushed to his side, bawling uncontrollably. Seeing that golden opportunity, Rogue sped towards Barbie again, only to be knocked out of the air by a bouncing blue Beast.  
"Is that all you men do? Protect the dumb blonde? Ya'll should know better!" Now Rogue turned her attention to the blue fuzz ball, swooping down, scooping up the helpless Hank, and depositing him in a nearby lake. But unfortunately, Barbie had fled the scene. "Well maybe Ah'll get a chance ta pound 'er pretty lil' face inta the dirt later. For now, Ah better check back with the rest'a Team 2"  
  
  
The "rest'a Team 2" had the mansion perimeter covered and were ready for attack, but no one from Team 1 had been spotted yet. Fearing that Team 1 was using some sort of a surprise tactic, Team 2 was on edge. Rogue burst through the trees, scaring the ever-loving sh*t out of Team 2.  
"Where in de hell you get off scarin' us like dat, girl?"  
"Mein got! I thought ve vas under attack!"  
"Ya'll look as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room fulla rockin' chairs! (Little did we know, THAT is where that quote came from: a lame Barbie story. Sorry, I just couldn't help myself.) What's up?"  
"As you may have noticed, our opposing team has yet to show their faces. We are all curious as to what sort of attack they have planned." Storm was not looking her regal self at the moment.  
"Oh, sorry Ah didn't tell ya'll sooner, but Ah took care of Scotty and our furry blue friend."  
"If I remember correctly, then Psylocke should be the only one left."  
"Ve cannot forget our new fraulien, Barbie."  
"Ah doubt she'll be muchuva problem."  
Rogue had a plan. . .  
  
  
"All right, Ah hear 'er comin'. Places ev'rybody!"  
"Dese are de stupidest clothes Gambit has ever seen!"  
"Quiet Gambit, she is approaching."  
"This reminds me of *minen circus tagen."  
It was a slightly pathetic sight, each member of Team 2 was outfitted to look like a store-window mannequin. (you'd be amazed at what you might find on the mansion grounds)  
Rogue, the plan being hers, was able to choose her attire. She was dressed in a skimpy two-piece lingerie set. Storm was forced to represent the extreme opposite, clad in a baggy, checked maternity dress. Kurt stood wearing a striped dress shirt and metallic red boxers. And for once in his life, the ever-complaining Gambit had a reason to gripe.  
Barbie half-crawled, half-fell through the surrounding bushes and shrubs. Her newly created uniform was torn and scratched from her escapades through the lawns, though at the sight of the "mannequins," she perked up considerably. "OOH! A department store! And they're on sale! I must buy a new wardrobe!"  
Barbie walked past each "mannequin" in turn, looking on in amazement. "Ooh! This one's fuzzy! Must be a new trend. White highlights, how cool! A maternity dress! It's so nice to have stores like this serve those unfortunately 'big-bellied' mothers! Ooooooh...Ahhhh...a man in a SPEEDO! Well, again, it's nice that they allow men with certain 'bulges' to wear something so skimpy! And his eyes! They're sort of red! Must be those new contacts."  
As Barbie passed, Gambit gave the signal: the dropping of his SPEEDO, and bolted into the bushes to retrieve his uniform. Storm grinned. 'It is possible that Rogue's idea for the signal was not all bad.'  
Gambit emerged from the greenery, and caught sight of Rogue, who even in the bra and panties set, looked quite frightening. He had only seen that look once before, when she had accidentally absorbed Apocalypse.  
Barbie was frozen with fear, due to the fact that Rogue was stalking towards her with an eerie light in her eyes. Storm saw what was about to happen and rushed to intercept Rogue. "STOP! I will not tolerate such senseless violence! What in the Goddess's name has possessed you to do such a thing, Rogue?"  
Meanwhile, Gambit had taken the liberty of trying to restrain Rogue. His efforts were immediately met with an elbow to the gut. She then reached out and grabbed Storm by the collar, one fist raised. Storm contacted the professor, "Charles! Help us! Rogue has lost control!" A strong mental warning shot through Rogue's head, and she released Storm.  
Psylocke had arrived in the midst of the chaos. "I'm guessing that I bloody well better surrender! This looks frightening enough to make Logan disband!"  
Looking back later, the team wouldn't have blamed her. A haggard-looking Rogue stood, still clad in her underwear. Gambit was sprawled on the ground, clutching his stomach. Barbie looked as if she had seen a ghost. Storm was in a maternity dress and Nightcrawler, who had appeared to be watching from the sidelines, was sporting the dress shirt and boxers.  
  
  
Jean woke up refreshed and slightly confused. The last thing she could remember was falling asleep...IN THE DANGER ROOM! 'I guess someone decided to let me sleep in a more comfortable environment.' She pulled back the covers, stretched, and got out of bed. As she did, Barbie nearly floated into the room.  
'That face...that face...THAT FACE!!!'  
"AAAAIIIIEEEE!!!!" Jean shrieked and lept back into bed, quivering.  
"Hi! Thought I'd see how you were doing!" Barbie was oblivious.  
"stay away. . . don't come any closer. . ." Jean was huddled under the sheets.  
"Oh, you must be sleepy. I'll leave you to rest." Barbie left Jean's room and proceeded to the Rec. Room. Storm was there, pacing frantically.  
"By the Goddess! What has become of my earrings?"  
Gambit sauntered over and placed a comforting arm around her shoulders. "Now calm down, Chere. I'm sure we find dem."  
"But they were given to me by Forge! I must find them!"  
Barbie stepped up to them. "What did they look like?"  
"They were of the most beautiful gold, and in the shape of lightening bolts." Storm sighed.  
"Oh! Those old things! I cleaned the house yesterday and decided that a few things should be donated to Salvation Army!"  
Storm literally flew at Barbie. "How DARE you!"  
"Whoah, Stormy. I'm sure de petite jus' made a mistake. Maybe we can get dem back...What ELSE did you 'donate', eh Barbie?" Gambit's curiosity had gotten the better of him.  
"Just ta few things here and there: some playing cards with flowers on them. . ."  
"WHAT! Dose were priceless! Dey cost me $40! And even den, dat was a good deal! Are you insane?"  
"Oops! Time for me to leave! Hank wanted to see me in his lab!"  
Gambit and Storm stood slack-jawed at the phenomenon they had just witnessed.  
  
  
"Hi Hank!"  
"Hello Barbie. You may be wondering why I wanted to see you."  
"Not really!"  
"Ahem. . .Well, anyway, I want you to be the first to witness my greatest creation in action! Now wait here while I go retrieve a lab coat for you."  
"Okay!" Barbie skipped over to the counter, which was completely clear, except for Hank's "greatest creation." "Wow! It looks really powerful! But the color clashes terribly with the decor of the lab!"  
Barbie searched the cupboards and drawers, coming back to the mixture holding a small vile of pink liquid. "Oh, this should give it just the right tint! There, what a beautiful rose color!" She placed the vial back in its rightful place.  
Hank re-entered the room carrying a lab coat. He handed it to Barbie and carefully picked up the now "rose-colored" mix. "Now, as I place a drop of the formula onto my fur, it accelerates the hair growth. Watch."  
Hank painstakingly squeezed a drop of the chemical onto his fur. . . "Oh my stars and garters! I'm on fire! But I only added...PUT IT OUT!"  
Barbie reached for the nearest beaker and moved to douse the fire that was rapidly spreading up the length on Hank's arm.  
"NO! Anything but the **liquid mix of hydrocarbons!" Too late. The fluid splashed over Hank's arm and the fire grew.  
Hearing the commotion (and probably smelling the burning fur), Storm rushed in, and summoned a quick rainstorm to put out Hank.  
"I think..." gasped Hank, "That you best leave, Barbie.  
"Okay! Bye!"  
  
* "minen" means "mine", and "tagen" means "days" (German)   
** the "liquid mix of hydrocarbons" is another way to say gasoline. thought it would sound kinda stupid to say, "NO! Anything but the gasoline!" sounds pretty obvious, huh?   
  
ÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿ ÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿ 


	2. Terror in the Mansion

Thanks to Laura Night, I just might use that "Rogue absorbing Barbie" idea.  
Also, thanks to everyone that reviewed my story and poem (special thanks to the Bud, *i have an ol' pal!*), it feels really cool to have people like your work. No flames yet! WHOOHOO! Hey, you know what just recently hit me? I can't think of a single blonde X-Female! If you can come up with any, put their names in your review. And again, the paragraphs might be kinda weird. Sorry!  
I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS (with the exception of Barbie Mattel) AND I'M NOT MAKING A CENT OFF OF THIS!   
{}=sound ' '=thoughts  
N'AWLINS  
  
Rogue Meets Barbie (uh-oh)  
Chapter 2  
  
Feeling exceptionally happy that this whole training thing isn't as hard as it looks, Barbie waltzed up to the gate and called up to Rogue. "May I please enter the mansion?" Rogue smiled. 'Maybe Scott was right; if I ask nicely, they'll let me in!'  
"You have gotta be kiddin sugah!" At that moment, Beast, having decoded the lock, swung the gate open. Rogue dove down at Barbie, who wore a look of complete horror on her perfect face.  
{CRACKLE! BOOM!}  
Cyclops had let loose a high-powered bolt into Rogue's middle. "UGH! Barbie, be grateful that yer 'knight in shining armor' was here to save ya. Ya might not be so lucky next time. Considerin' the fact that he won't be in one piece by then!"  
Sensing Rogue's anger rise, and knowing that it would give her the advantage, Scott fired an equally powerful blast in Rogue's direction. She dodged it easily, and darted back behind him, landing a fist squarely on the top of his head.  
{CRACK!}  
Cyclops fell to the ground, senseless. (hehe, I needed that) Barbie rushed to his side, bawling uncontrollably. Seeing that golden opportunity, Rogue sped towards Barbie again, only to be knocked out of the air by a bouncing blue Beast.  
"Is that all you men do? Protect the dumb blonde? Ya'll should know better!" Now Rogue turned her attention to the blue fuzz ball, swooping down, scooping up the helpless Hank, and depositing him in a nearby lake. But unfortunately, Barbie had fled the scene. "Well maybe Ah'll get a chance ta pound 'er pretty lil' face inta the dirt later. For now, Ah better check back with the rest'a Team 2"  
  
  
The "rest'a Team 2" had the mansion perimeter covered and were ready for attack, but no one from Team 1 had been spotted yet. Fearing that Team 1 was using some sort of a surprise tactic, Team 2 was on edge. Rogue burst through the trees, scaring the ever-loving sh*t out of Team 2.  
"Where in de hell you get off scarin' us like dat, girl?"  
"Mein got! I thought ve vas under attack!"  
"Ya'll look as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room fulla rockin' chairs! (Little did we know, THAT is where that quote came from: a lame Barbie story. Sorry, I just couldn't help myself.) What's up?"  
"As you may have noticed, our opposing team has yet to show their faces. We are all curious as to what sort of attack they have planned." Storm was not looking her regal self at the moment.  
"Oh, sorry Ah didn't tell ya'll sooner, but Ah took care of Scotty and our furry blue friend."  
"If I remember correctly, then Psylocke should be the only one left."  
"Ve cannot forget our new fraulien, Barbie."  
"Ah doubt she'll be muchuva problem."  
Rogue had a plan. . .  
  
  
"All right, Ah hear 'er comin'. Places ev'rybody!"  
"Dese are de stupidest clothes Gambit has ever seen!"  
"Quiet Gambit, she is approaching."  
"This reminds me of *minen circus tagen."  
It was a slightly pathetic sight, each member of Team 2 was outfitted to look like a store-window mannequin. (you'd be amazed at what you might find on the mansion grounds)  
Rogue, the plan being hers, was able to choose her attire. She was dressed in a skimpy two-piece lingerie set. Storm was forced to represent the extreme opposite, clad in a baggy, checked maternity dress. Kurt stood wearing a striped dress shirt and metallic red boxers. And for once in his life, the ever-complaining Gambit had a reason to gripe.  
Barbie half-crawled, half-fell through the surrounding bushes and shrubs. Her newly created uniform was torn and scratched from her escapades through the lawns, though at the sight of the "mannequins," she perked up considerably. "OOH! A department store! And they're on sale! I must buy a new wardrobe!"  
Barbie walked past each "mannequin" in turn, looking on in amazement. "Ooh! This one's fuzzy! Must be a new trend. White highlights, how cool! A maternity dress! It's so nice to have stores like this serve those unfortunately 'big-bellied' mothers! Ooooooh...Ahhhh...a man in a SPEEDO! Well, again, it's nice that they allow men with certain 'bulges' to wear something so skimpy! And his eyes! They're sort of red! Must be those new contacts."  
As Barbie passed, Gambit gave the signal: the dropping of his SPEEDO, and bolted into the bushes to retrieve his uniform. Storm grinned. 'It is possible that Rogue's idea for the signal was not all bad.'  
Gambit emerged from the greenery, and caught sight of Rogue, who even in the bra and panties set, looked quite frightening. He had only seen that look once before, when she had accidentally absorbed Apocalypse.  
Barbie was frozen with fear, due to the fact that Rogue was stalking towards her with an eerie light in her eyes. Storm saw what was about to happen and rushed to intercept Rogue. "STOP! I will not tolerate such senseless violence! What in the Goddess's name has possessed you to do such a thing, Rogue?"  
Meanwhile, Gambit had taken the liberty of trying to restrain Rogue. His efforts were immediately met with an elbow to the gut. She then reached out and grabbed Storm by the collar, one fist raised. Storm contacted the professor, "Charles! Help us! Rogue has lost control!" A strong mental warning shot through Rogue's head, and she released Storm.  
Psylocke had arrived in the midst of the chaos. "I'm guessing that I bloody well better surrender! This looks frightening enough to make Logan disband!"  
Looking back later, the team wouldn't have blamed her. A haggard-looking Rogue stood, still clad in her underwear. Gambit was sprawled on the ground, clutching his stomach. Barbie looked as if she had seen a ghost. Storm was in a maternity dress and Nightcrawler, who had appeared to be watching from the sidelines, was sporting the dress shirt and boxers.  
  
  
Jean woke up refreshed and slightly confused. The last thing she could remember was falling asleep...IN THE DANGER ROOM! 'I guess someone decided to let me sleep in a more comfortable environment.' She pulled back the covers, stretched, and got out of bed. As she did, Barbie nearly floated into the room.  
'That face...that face...THAT FACE!!!'  
"AAAAIIIIEEEE!!!!" Jean shrieked and lept back into bed, quivering.  
"Hi! Thought I'd see how you were doing!" Barbie was oblivious.  
"stay away. . . don't come any closer. . ." Jean was huddled under the sheets.  
"Oh, you must be sleepy. I'll leave you to rest." Barbie left Jean's room and proceeded to the Rec. Room. Storm was there, pacing frantically.  
"By the Goddess! What has become of my earrings?"  
Gambit sauntered over and placed a comforting arm around her shoulders. "Now calm down, Chere. I'm sure we find dem."  
"But they were given to me by Forge! I must find them!"  
Barbie stepped up to them. "What did they look like?"  
"They were of the most beautiful gold, and in the shape of lightening bolts." Storm sighed.  
"Oh! Those old things! I cleaned the house yesterday and decided that a few things should be donated to Salvation Army!"  
Storm literally flew at Barbie. "How DARE you!"  
"Whoah, Stormy. I'm sure de petite jus' made a mistake. Maybe we can get dem back...What ELSE did you 'donate', eh Barbie?" Gambit's curiosity had gotten the better of him.  
"Just ta few things here and there: some playing cards with flowers on them. . ."  
"WHAT! Dose were priceless! Dey cost me $40! And even den, dat was a good deal! Are you insane?"  
"Oops! Time for me to leave! Hank wanted to see me in his lab!"  
Gambit and Storm stood slack-jawed at the phenomenon they had just witnessed.  
  
  
"Hi Hank!"  
"Hello Barbie. You may be wondering why I wanted to see you."  
"Not really!"  
"Ahem. . .Well, anyway, I want you to be the first to witness my greatest creation in action! Now wait here while I go retrieve a lab coat for you."  
"Okay!" Barbie skipped over to the counter, which was completely clear, except for Hank's "greatest creation." "Wow! It looks really powerful! But the color clashes terribly with the decor of the lab!"  
Barbie searched the cupboards and drawers, coming back to the mixture holding a small vile of pink liquid. "Oh, this should give it just the right tint! There, what a beautiful rose color!" She placed the vial back in its rightful place.  
Hank re-entered the room carrying a lab coat. He handed it to Barbie and carefully picked up the now "rose-colored" mix. "Now, as I place a drop of the formula onto my fur, it accelerates the hair growth. Watch."  
Hank painstakingly squeezed a drop of the chemical onto his fur. . . "Oh my stars and garters! I'm on fire! But I only added...PUT IT OUT!"  
Barbie reached for the nearest beaker and moved to douse the fire that was rapidly spreading up the length on Hank's arm.  
"NO! Anything but the **liquid mix of hydrocarbons!" Too late. The fluid splashed over Hank's arm and the fire grew.  
Hearing the commotion (and probably smelling the burning fur), Storm rushed in, and summoned a quick rainstorm to put out Hank.  
"I think..." gasped Hank, "That you best leave, Barbie.  
"Okay! Bye!"  
  
* "minen" means "mine", and "tagen" means "days" (German)   
** the "liquid mix of hydrocarbons" is another way to say gasoline. thought it would soundkinda stupid to say, "NO! Anything but the gasoline!" sounds pretty obvious, huh?   
  
  
  
  



	3. A Violent Goddess, a Murderous Cajun, an...

Here ya go! The chapter you've all been waiting for . . . Actually, I hope that this is one of the last chapters, I think this storyline is beginning to wear out. What do YOU think?  
Please read and review!  
Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS, WITH THE EXCEPTION OF BARBIE MATTEL, AND I AM NOT MAKING ANY MONEY OFF OF THIS!  
oh, and greater-than, less-than signs ( ) mean conversation through telepathy  
  
Barbie continued her reign of terror as she reached the kitchen. Scott's glasses were lying on the counter. (He had been called into the Danger Room that morning.) There was a note beside them reading:  
  
Jean,  
Could you please stop   
by the professor's room   
and ask him to fix these?  
Love,  
Scott  
  
"Oh, the lenses have cracked! I can fix these!"  
She picked up the glasses and headed into her appointed room.  
"Hmm . . . I know I have an extra pair of sunglasses around here somewhere! There they are! I'll just replace Scott's lenses with the ones from these!"  
After some fiddling, Barbie finally managed to pop the lenses out of Scott's glasses and replace them with the ones from her extra pair.  
When she finished, Barbie placed the glasses back on the counter and left her own message on the back of the note, with a signature resembling that of a certain fashion doll's logo:  
  
Scott,  
I took the liberty of fixing the   
lenses for you. I hope that was   
okay.   
B  
a  
r  
b  
i  
e  
  
Scott returned much later that afternoon. He was exhausted and happy to rid himself of his visor and uniform. On his way to his room, he stopped by the kitchen to get something to drink.  
"Oh! I guess Barbie got to them before Jean did. That was thoughtful of her."  
Scott picked up the glasses and continued on to his room where he changed into a T-shirt and jeans.  
"Ahh! I finally get to take this thing off!"  
Scott removed the visor, being careful to keep his eyes closed, placed the newly-lensed glasses on his head, and opened his eyes.  
All I'll tell you is that utter disaster followed . . . AND that later that week, the professor was faced with quite a hefty repair bill.  
Now it was Scott's turn to show his never-ever-shown temper.  
"Where's Barbie? Hell, where's Logan? I'd enjoy grilling a Barbie-ka-bob right about now."  
Scott, calm down. We had not yet informed Barbie of your condition. She was only trying to help.  
"Magneto's tried to convince us that HE was only trying to help!"  
Why don't you come rest in the infirmary.  
"Yeah . . . YEAH, maybe I can find some tranquilizers for our friend Barbie!"  
Scott . . . NOW!  
"Yes, Professor."  
  
Psylocke was in the Danger Room, enjoying a lively workout against her electronic adversaries. Just as she was about to launch one of her "bloody wonderful" kicks, she caught movement out of the corner of her eye. Glancing up, she saw Barbie waving to her from the control room.  
"Would you like to use the Danger Room? I've been hogging it for a while now."  
"No thanks! I just wanted to watch you!"  
"All right, then! Enjoy!"  
Psylocke returned to her training with the practiced indifference of one who is used to audiences.  
Barbie glanced around the control room.  
"Oooh! They have one of those big red buttons! Just like in the movies! They always make something special happen! I wonder what this one does!"  
Again, Psylocke glanced up at Barbie (that "practiced indifference" had begun to wear off). 'I wonder how amazed and impressed she is by now . . . Well, that was close! Better stop boasting and start battling! . . . WHAT IS SHE DOING?!!"  
Psylocke had seen Barbie reach down and press something on the control panel. Now, she was being attacked from all directions.  
"Help! Somebody gimme some bloody 'elp! I'm being attacked by the entire stinkin' room!"  
"Oh! You want me to leave? I completely understand! Don't worry!"  
"Ahhrrgg!!"  
"Bye!"  
  
Dinner hour came and the X-Men had assembled around the extensive dining room table. All seats were filled except one . . .  
"Where is Psylocke?" Storm had been sitting quietly, trying to strategically place her hands over the extremely "loud" earrings she had borrowed from Jubilee.  
"I believe I last saw her in ze Danger Room. She was training against ze robots."  
As Kurt spoke, a battered figure could be seen stumbling into the room.  
"Don't bother holding the tea and cakes, I'll be along shortly." Psylocke collapsed.  
"Well, I be guessin' we found 'er." Gambit sat staring dismally at the "Barney's First Numbers" cards in his hands.  
"Hank, will you take Psylocke to the infirmary?"  
"Certainly, Professor."  
The team held back snickers as the now partially hairless Hank trudged up the stairs.  
Jean was twitching. Scott was glaring evilly at Barbie. The professor had a look of complete bewilderment on his face.  
"Is there something I don't know about?"  
"Oooh! Oooh! I know!," shouted Barbie. "I bought a new shade of lipstick!"  
Everyone decided to just leave it at that.  
  
Some time before dinner . . .  
Rogue changed and washed up. Her anger had subsided somewhat after the training was called off due to "team misconduct."  
"Ah wonder what's on TV."  
She felt like engaging in a relatively normal activity, after the past two days' events.  
As Rogue approached the Rec Room door, she heard a yell from within.  
"That sounded like 'Ro. Somethin' serious must be goin' on for her to be hollerin'!"  
Rogue stepped in, only to find a room lacking a supervillian, which was what she had suspected, judging from the cry that had been heard only seconds earlier.  
'Now Ah'm really worried.'  
Storm spotted Rogue, who was looking quite curious.  
"What's goin' on?"  
"Goddess forgive me, I am pleading the elements to strike her down!"  
"Who?"  
"Dat witch Barbie!" Gambit had joined Storm.  
"Sacrement! If only I charged organic material! 'Den Gambit could make 'de Barbie go boom!"  
"I am usually opposed to such discussion, but at this point, I share your wishes Gambit."  
"We DO make a pretty good team, eh Stormy?"  
The two exchanged glances and left, with obvious malicious intent.  
  
"What could that gal have done to get Ororo so worked up? 'Course Ah don't blame 'er, Barbie can sure mess up a day."  
The past display having chased all thoughts of TV from her mind, Rogue decided to see how the others were holding up against the "ditz of death."  
On her way down the hall, Rogue passed Jean.  
"Hi. How's things goin'?"  
The telepath did not respond, continuing to stagger on, mumbling, "blonde . . . blonde . . . blonde . . ."  
At that moment, Rogue picked up the distinct smell of burning hair wafting through the hallways. Following the stench, she entered Hank's lab. Storm was inside, directing a small shower to fall on Hank's arm, which was ablaze. Barbie watched.  
Rogue mentally ran through the list:  
  
Storm: royally pissed  
Gambit: trying to rationalize first-degree murder  
Jean: in shock  
Hank: on fire  
Barbie: status unknown  
  
'Let's find out what the rest 'a the happy household is up to.'  
Finding the rest of the X-Men, and observing that they remained untouched by Barbie's doings, Rogue decided that the rampage had ceased, and the mansion would soon return to normal . . . that was, until a large hole was blown through Scott's bedroom wall.  
"Please Professor! Just give me five minutes alone with that she-devil!"  
"Lemme guess. Barbie."  
"The cretin replaced my ruby quartz lenses with ordinary glass ones!"  
"Ah think ya'll should go find Jean. She didn't look too good last time Ah saw her. For now, Ah'm gonna go get some dinner."  
  



End file.
